How do you plan a family get together? Pick the scope first (which cousins, which in-laws, how many kids), send one date poll for two weekends, lock the food format before anyone opens a group chat, and share a single link with the address, time, and who is bringing what. A family get together is not a reunion. It is the quarterly cousin lunch, the monthly Sunday dinner at your aunt’s house, or the "we're all in town for Grandma's birthday, let's just do a thing" gathering that keeps falling apart because nobody wants to be the one making calls.
GetTogether Planner turns “we should hang” into an actual plan. It’s free: share one link for date polls, RSVPs, and AI itinerary suggestions.
TL;DR: Define the scope (usually 8 to 20 people), send one date poll, pick a food format that scales, split costs before the day, plan for the kids, and follow up with photos and a next date. One link beats twelve texts.
If you are planning a full-scale multi-day reunion with 40 plus relatives flying in, that is a different animal. This post is for the everyday family gathering that has been on the group chat for six weeks. American adults average about 5 hours and 16 minutes of leisure time on a typical day per the BLS 2024 American Time Use Survey. A three-hour lunch with your cousins is a real use of that time. It just needs a plan.
Step 1: Set the scope before you set the date
The mistake most people make is starting with a date. Start with the guest list. Are you inviting only first cousins, or first cousins plus partners, or the whole extended tree including your uncle's second wife's kids? A 6-person cousin brunch and a 22-person Sunday dinner are different events with different budgets and different noise levels.
Write the scope in one sentence you can text to your mom: "Just the Chicago cousins and their kids, no aunts and uncles, at my place on a Sunday afternoon." That sentence rules out the awkward question of why Aunt Diane was not invited. Decide early whether partners are expected, whether kids are welcome, and whether it is potluck or hosted.
Once the scope is clear, name a single host and a single co-host. Family gatherings fall apart when three siblings each assume the other one is handling it. The group planner exists so one person can send one plan and everyone else can just show up.
Step 2: Pick a date with a poll, not a groupthink chat
Do not ask "when works for everyone" in the family group chat. You will get 14 replies, 3 of them from your uncle who does not read the thread and just says "sounds good." Send a date poll with two or three specific weekends and a hard close date.
For a small family get together of 8 to 12 people, propose two Sunday afternoons three to five weeks out. For a larger gathering of 15 plus, give six to eight weeks of lead time and offer a Saturday option because someone always has church. Close the poll after five days and pick the winner even if two people cannot make it. You cannot solve for everyone in a family of 20.
Date polls work better than group-chat democracy because people commit to a specific slot instead of vaguely agreeing to "sometime in October." If you need a Doodle-style vote without the ads, GetTogether Planner has polling built in with no app to download.
Step 3: Choose a food format that matches the group
Family food is where things get expensive and passive-aggressive. Pick one of four formats and stick to it:
- Hosted: you cook or cater everything. Best for 6 to 10 people if you have the budget and stove space. Budget around $12 to $18 per adult for a simple pasta-and-salad dinner, more if you are grilling.
- Potluck: everyone brings one assigned item. Best for 12 to 20 people. Use a potluck planner so you do not end up with four pans of mac and cheese and no vegetables.
- Order in: you order pizza, tacos, or a sandwich platter and split the cost. Best for a low-effort Sunday. A $90 pizza order across 10 adults is $9 each.
- Restaurant: you book a table or a private room. Best when nobody wants to clean their house. Call two weeks ahead for groups over 8.
Assign the format when you send the poll, not after. "Sunday Oct 11, 1 pm, potluck at my place" gets more RSVPs than "Sunday Oct 11, we will figure out food."
Handle the picky eaters upfront
Every family has one vegetarian, one gluten-free relative, one kid who only eats plain pasta, and one aunt who says "I'll eat anything" and then does not. Ask about restrictions in the RSVP form. Do not make people whisper their allergies to you on the way in.
Step 4: Split the cost before Sunday, not after
Money is the fastest way to ruin a family Sunday. Set the cost before people arrive. If the pizza order is $110 with tip and 10 adults are eating, that is $11 per adult. Post the number in the plan. Collect via Venmo or Zelle before or right after the event, not a week later.
For a hosted meal where you are cooking, decide whether you want reimbursement. If you do, say so up front: "I'm making lasagna, $8 a head for groceries." That is a normal thing to say. Silently absorbing $140 in groceries and getting resentful is not a plan. Our how to split costs on a group trip guide has the framework for bigger splits. 💸
Step 5: Plan for the kids (or the plan will plan itself)
If any kids are coming, plan for them or you will end up hosting a play area in your dining room during dessert. Ask parents in the RSVP how many kids and what ages. For 3 or more kids under 10, set aside one room with a movie, coloring supplies, or a bin of toys. For older kids, a yard game or a video game console works.
Family gatherings with mixed ages run about three hours before the youngest ones melt down. Plan the meal for the first 90 minutes and leave the second half open for coffee, cake, or a walk. A Sunday from 1 to 4 pm is the sweet spot: everyone eats, the kids run around, and you are home in time for the workweek to start.
For families who see each other regularly, our monthly get together guide covers how to make the rhythm stick without redoing the work every time.
Step 6: Send one link, then follow up
The last mistake is sending 30 individual texts. Put the address, arrival window, food assignments, cost, and any parking or gate instructions in one link and share it. If a cousin lives out of town and can only join by video, add a video option to the same link. Online family get togethers can piggyback on the in-person one for the relatives who cannot travel.
After the gathering, send two things within 48 hours: a shared photo album link and a proposed next date. Family gatherings that never happen again are the ones where the momentum dies on Sunday night. "Great seeing everyone, next one at Marco's on Jan 17?" turns a one-off into a quarterly tradition.
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