A Friendsmas party is a holiday celebration with friends, shaped around the traditions your group actually enjoys. It can be a dinner, a gift exchange, a movie night, or a simple afternoon together.
GetTogether Planner brings date options, place voting, and RSVPs into one shared event link. The Free plan allows one event per month with up to three guests per event; review the current allowance before inviting a larger group. Start Planning
Choose the date before adding commitments. Then be clear about gifts, food, costs, and whether partners or children are included so nobody has to guess.
Step 1 , Date and Guest List
Timing
December is chaos. The key to a successful Friendsmas is picking the date early , mid-November is not too soon to start planning. Most groups land on a date in early-to-mid December, before the final holiday travel rush begins.
Poll the group early with GetTogether to find the best date. December weekends fill up fast, and the longer you wait to lock it in, the more conflicts will emerge.
Guest List
Keep it intimate , 8-15 people is the sweet spot. Large enough for energy, small enough for everyone to participate in the gift exchange and actually talk to each other.
Agree on the gift rules
Gifts should be optional unless the whole group has agreed otherwise. Set a comfortable spending cap before names are drawn or items are bought.
| Format | Agree in advance |
|---|---|
| Secret Santa | Spending cap, wish-list approach, and how names are assigned |
| White Elephant | Spending cap, whether gifts should be useful or playful, and the swap rules |
| Homemade exchange | Expectations and whether buying something is also welcome |
| No gifts | How you want to celebrate instead |
A suggested amount is only a starting point. Ask what works for the group rather than treating a particular dollar amount as the normal cost of participating.
Step 3 , Food and Drinks
Potluck Is the Move
Friendsmas is a natural potluck occasion. The host handles the main dish (or everyone pitches in for a catered option), and guests bring sides, desserts, and drinks. Assign by category to avoid the five-desserts-no-main problem.
Holiday Cocktail Station
A signature holiday cocktail elevates the party significantly. Options that work at scale:
- Mulled wine (make a big batch in a slow cooker)
- Spiked hot chocolate bar (hot cocoa + assorted spirits and toppings)
- Cranberry mule or holiday punch (batch cocktail in a punch bowl)
Step 4 , Activities and Traditions
- Holiday movie in the background: Play a classic Christmas movie (Home Alone, Elf, Love Actually) as ambient background. Don't force a formal viewing , just let it add atmosphere.
- Ugly sweater contest: Optional but always a crowd-pleaser. Give a small prize for the best sweater.
- Holiday playlist: Create a collaborative playlist beforehand where everyone adds their favorite holiday songs.
- Photo moment: Set up a spot with good lighting and simple props (Santa hat, tinsel, ornaments) for group photos.
- Gratitude round: Go around the room and each person shares one highlight from the year. Sounds cheesy, actually meaningful.
Friendsmas Planning Checklist
6 weeks out:
- Poll for date and lock it
- Decide on gift exchange format and budget
3 weeks out:
- Draw Secret Santa names (if applicable)
- Assign potluck categories
- Plan holiday cocktail
1 week out:
- Confirm headcount
- Decorate and prep
- Create the playlist
Friendsmas works because it's chosen, not obligated. Make it warm, keep it simple, and enjoy the people who make your year better.
Send the final Friendsmas message
Friendsmas is [date] at [location], starting around [time]. We are doing [gift format or no gifts], with [agreed cap if applicable]. Please bring [assigned item] and reply by [deadline]. Partners/children are [agreed invitation scope].
Keep meal assignments in one list. Use the potluck guide if several people are bringing food.
Building Friendsmas Traditions Worth Repeating
The beauty of Friendsmas is that it's a blank canvas , no inherited family traditions, no "we've always done it this way" baggage. You get to create your own traditions from scratch. Here are ones that groups actually keep doing year after year.
The Annual Ornament
Each year, the host picks a theme for handmade or store-bought ornaments that guests bring. One year it's "paint an ornament that represents your year," the next it's "find the most ridiculous ornament at a thrift store." Over time, each person builds a collection of Friendsmas ornaments that tell the story of the group's history. This tradition costs almost nothing and creates a tangible artifact of your friendship.
The Time Capsule Letter
At each Friendsmas, everyone writes a letter to the group that's sealed and read aloud at the following year's Friendsmas. You write about your year , highlights, challenges, hopes for the next year. Reading last year's letters becomes one of the most emotional and bonding moments of the party. Keep them all in a box at the host's house , after 5 years, you have a remarkable archive.
The Signature Cocktail
Each year, someone creates the official Friendsmas cocktail , a unique recipe that's only made at this party. Give it a name, write it on a card, and add it to the growing menu of Friendsmas cocktails from years past. By year 5, you have 5 signature drinks and guests can choose their favorite from any year.
The Group Photo Tradition
Take the same group photo every year , same pose, same spot if possible. Print them and display them at each subsequent Friendsmas. The visual progression of the group aging, growing, and changing over the years becomes incredibly meaningful. Make sure someone takes a high-quality photo (not just a selfie) that's worth printing.
Food Planning for Friendsmas
The food at Friendsmas should feel special without overwhelming the host. Here's how to balance effort, variety, and the communal spirit of the holiday.
The Progressive Dinner Format
If your friend group lives in the same area, consider a progressive Friendsmas dinner: appetizers at one house, main course at another, desserts at a third. Each host is responsible for one course, which distributes the work and gives everyone a chance to show off their space with holiday decorations. Travel between houses is part of the fun , walk if possible, or designate a caravan.
The Cookie Exchange
In addition to (or instead of) a full meal, incorporate a cookie exchange. Each person bakes one type of holiday cookie , enough for everyone to take home a few of each kind. Provide boxes or bags for transport. Everyone leaves with a variety of homemade cookies and the recipe for any they loved. This works especially well as an add-on to a simpler Friendsmas format (cocktails and cookies, for example).
Games and Activities That Aren't Corny
White Elephant with a Twist
Standard White Elephant is already fun, but these twists keep it fresh year after year:
- Theme round: One year it's "things you'd find at a gas station" ($10 of gas station gifts), the next it's "something you genuinely want" ($15-20 limit)
- Dirty Santa rules: Gifts can be stolen up to 3 times before they're locked. This creates more interaction and drama than standard rules
- Couple gifts: If the group includes couples, have each couple bring one gift and play as a team. This keeps the gift count manageable for larger groups
Holiday Movie Ranking
Create a bracket of holiday movies and have the group vote round by round. Is Die Hard a Christmas movie? (Yes.) Is Elf better than Home Alone? The debates get passionate and hilarious. You can run this as background entertainment while people are eating and chatting , put the bracket on a large sheet of paper and let people fill in their votes throughout the evening.
Year-in-Review Trivia
Create a trivia game based on the year the group just lived through. Questions about pop culture, world events, and personal group moments: "What month did [friend] get promoted?" "Which friend ran their first 5K?" "What movie did we all go see together in March?" This is easy to create (20-30 questions), encourages reminiscing, and celebrates the group's shared history.
Scaling Friendsmas as the Group Grows
Friend groups evolve , people get married, have kids, move away, add new friends to the circle. Friendsmas needs to scale with these changes.
When Partners Join
When friends start bringing partners, the group dynamic shifts. Some Friendsmas traditions work well with partners (White Elephant, dinner); others might need adjustment (intimate year-in-review conversations may feel different with new people present). Have an honest conversation: "Do we want Friendsmas to be just the original crew, or do we welcome partners?" Both answers are valid.
When Kids Enter the Picture
Some groups make Friendsmas kid-friendly (earlier start time, kid-appropriate activities, Santa appearance for the little ones). Others keep it adults-only (evening event, hire sitters, no kid concessions). Decide this openly and early , a parent who arranged childcare only to find out other parents brought their kids will be frustrated.
When Friends Move Away
If core members of the group move to different cities, Friendsmas becomes even more important , it's the annual reunion. Set the date far in advance (always the first Saturday of December, for example) so out-of-town friends can plan travel. For friends who truly can't make it, set up a video call during the party so they can at least be present for the toast and the group photo.
Related: Check out our guides on holiday party planning and Friendsgiving hosting guide.
Choose a tradition your group wants to repeat, not a schedule everyone has to endure. For a related seasonal meal, see how to host Friendsgiving.